No one is saying that divorce is good. But if there is to be a divorce and, let’s face it, nearly 50% 0f marriages do end in separation, is there such a thing as a Good Divorce?
In November 2021 Dr. Constance Ahrons a well known American Psycho therapist, Family Counsellor and Mediator passed away at the age of 84.
In the early 1990’s following many years of working with separating couples Dr. Ahron wrote a book called ‘The Good Divorce’ which remains the bible for those who believe that divorce does not have to be all bad.
The basic question the book asks is;
‘How do you keep your family together when your marriage falls apart’?
The book is directly aimed at those couples who have children and the idea behind the book is that just because a marriage is over that does not mean that the parents and the children can not have ongoing relationships in the future. The relationships will be different and they will help to avoid the sort of ‘bad’ divorces where the children suffer emotionally and the parents either never speak to each other or dread speaking to each other.
By way of example Dr.Ahron describes how she and her ex-husband were able to walk down the aisle together at their daughter’s wedding.
Three notable issues raised in the book are;
- Children will experience difficult times when their parents divorce. That said they can still emerge from the experience healthy and, in the medium and long term unscathed. The huge change is upsetting for children but it does not follow that they are damaged for life. After separation both parents have plenty of opportunity to provide the children with love and care.
- Divorce is normal. It is part of life. It does not mean that, in some way, the couple have failed.
- Although divorce is stressful and initially, at least, hard to cope with, it does follow a process. Accepting and understanding that emotions will be high helps as does the understanding that these emotions will be temporary and there will be a time to move on.
If relations between the parties can remain civil then the prospect of a ‘Good Divorce’ increases.
Selecting the most suitable process for keeping matters on an even keel is very important.
In the book Dr. Ahrons supports Family Mediation in cases where there are children.
In her later publications she was also very supportive of Collaborative Law where the parties and their Family Lawyers work together to achieve the best outcome for the parents and the children.
If you would like to discuss how to achieve a ‘Good Divorce’ speak to one of Rooney Family Law’s accredited Family Lawyers who will discuss how it might affect your case.
